So many people are quietly desperate for the behind-the-scenes cheerleaders, the roar at the finish line, the pats on the back, or the thoughtful notes replenishing the soul with uplifting words. We need our encouragers. They get… More
This old dog can learn new tricks. I know that’s been said before, but it’s very relevant for me right now. And if you’re reading this, you also may be in the pursuit of something big that you really want.
I mention dogs because, well, I have this dog…and she’s been driving me crazy. To the point where I’m embarassed. You see, I’ve been learning that it’s probably MY behavior that has caused her to be so naughty. Well, let me just take that in for a minute. Yikes.
Here I am, a forty-one-almost-forty-two-year-old educator being told by professionals in the dog training industry that I need to learn how to be a leader in order to have a well-behaved dog. A leader. That might not sound like a big deal to you, but to me? I want to go hide! I’m a teacher! I AM a leader….but apparently, I have some work to do.
I remember a year ago saying, “I want to write, but I don’t want to write about my DOG!”. As if writing about dogs wasn’t a respectable topic for authors. But you know, they also say dog is man’s best friend. Having an amazing dog prior to this current one, I can surely declare that is truth. At least for me. And I don’t take best friends lightly. So maybe there is something important about writing about dogs, after all.
I still don’t want to write about ’em.
Well, in any case, the good Lord is certainly
putting me in my place teaching me some perspective when it comes to what I’m learning through this dog that is making me want to scream. And tear my hair out. And giving me permanent scars. Seriously.
That God-sent perspective is this: In order to make this animal mind, I am going to have to be relentless. RE-LENT-LESS. And I LOVE how I am learning this through our 11-month-old fur baby, because let me tell you…I’ve been believing I am relentless, but this whole puppy experience is teaching me that I have just been kidding myself.
This lesson bleeds through so many other areas of my life, and I think that is why I am feeling uneasy about it being called to attention. My bluff has been laid out onto the table. My game is over.
It’s time to play my hand a little differently. A little more…alpha-like. 🙂
If I don’t want my life to be run by this couch-ripping, wrist-gnawing, tornado-fleeing dog, then I’m going to have to be more persistent than I usually am. I’m going to have to be more consistent than I am used to being. I am going to have to raise. the. bar. when it comes to my expectations.
And ohhhhh doesn’t that remind me of my writing habits??? Yup.
And, yikes—in the classroom, doesn’t that make me think of the class line that I let get loosey-goosey or the handwriting that I let slack? Mmm-hmm.
The people who know me very well know that I am very hard on myself. And they may tell me that is the case here.
But I want more.
I want to accomplish things with my writing, to help others through it.
I want my students to learn good habits and make outstanding growth…even more than before.
And I want my wild dog to behave so that we can enjoy her and, in turn, she can enjoy us.
So the task at hand is to be constant and unceasing in this pursuit at dog training, in teaching, and in writing. To not give up so I can hold my head up high and say, truly, I am a leader.
The reward will be so much greater than any kind of regret.
What dream is on your heart? What do you hope to achieve? Do you wish to accomplish something that seems so big—so outside the box—but you just don’t know where to start? I know the feeling!
So let’s get down to the nitty gritty and talk about 10 things we can do in order to help slay that goal of ours, whatever it may be:
#1) Acknowledge it—Know your goal. What is it? Write it down. Make a list of things you will need to do in order to accomplish your goal.
#2) Declare it— Tell people! Speak it out loud. This might seem scary, but it will challenge you in amazing ways you never imagined. Be brave and ask for help if you need it.
#3) Embrace it—Willingly and enthusiastically come to terms with the fact that it’s likely going to take a good amount of effort and patience to get to where you want to be. You will learn so much on this journey you’ll be on!
#4) Keep things in motion—Set small deadlines for yourself along the way. This is so helpful! Whenever I stop setting dates to accomplish the tasks I need to complete to reach my goal, I usually get distracted, uninspired, and off-track. In addition to deadlines, keep things moving along by learning more about where you’re headed. Find podcasts, websites, and read books about the topics related to your dream.
#5) Let it rest if you need to—Grit is a good thing, but sometimes we need to take a breather and be okay with releasing a goal if it’s just not turning out the way you hoped. Learn to listen to your heart…and if you feel pulled in a different direction, then go for that instead. You’re allowed to change your mind. 🙂
#6) Give yourself grace—If you encounter a mishap, make a mistake, have a set back, or stop working towards your goal, don’t beat yourself up about it—just get right back up again and get back to it if it’s still something you dream of achieving. We are too hard on ourselves. You’re still cool!
#7) Be yourself—It’s likely there are many other people in the world with the same goal in mind as you. That’s okay. Don’t let that stop you. What you’re doing comes from you and there is no one exactly like you. 🙂
#8) Be proud—I don’t know about you, but I tend to get a little shy when it comes to my dreams. Sometimes I wonder if they are silly or outrageous. I’m not working on my goals in order to make money, but think on this whenever you get that uncomfortable feeling that your idea is goofy or even maybe unworthy: Beanie Babies, Chia Pets, Snuggies, and Slinkys. Yep, those people made millions.
#9) Find encouragers—This is one of my favorites. There are people out there who are ready to root for you. Find them! Make a list of who is in your corner and refer to it in those times when doubt might set in or when you feel like you’re going at it alone. It’s such a powerful thing to realize that you are not alone and that many, many people want the best for you and want to see you succeed.
#10) Pray about it—Above all, pray about your dream. Is it something you feel God is leading you to do? Does it keep you up at night? Does it keep coming back to you even when you think you might not be equipped or qualified to accomplish it? Does it feel right, even though you might be scared to try? Pray for wisdom. Pray that He will help you discern the things which He has put upon your heart rather than the things others might be pushing you to do. Pray for courage and strength. You’ve got this!
Do you forgive others swiftly? Is it easy for you? For me, it depends on the situation. In my head, I know Jesus instructs us to be forgiving, but honestly sometimes my heart just isn’t willing to do it right away. If ever.
It takes courage to forgive someone.
It takes vulnerability.
It takes a heart full of grace.
For the most part, I’d say I am quick to forgive. If someone cuts me off on the road, I might find my temper flaring, but a few minutes later I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. “Maybe they have to rush to the hospital,” I tell myself. “Maybe their wife is in labor!”
If someone I consider a friend doesn’t invite me to their party, I usually don’t fret long about it. “I’m sure there’s a good reason…maybe they just wanted to hang out with a different set of friends tonight.” And I go off and do my own thing, or join someone else.
But sometimes the wound is deep. Sometimes the protective bandage you wrap around your heart is wrapped so tight you’re afraid to let it unravel. So you keep it bound without letting go. “I’m just not ready,” your mind whispers to your heart when it calls on you to release the tight binding.
The problem is, when you don’t tend to a wound, it can fester and get ugly and become ten times worse than when it started. A heart can’t beat freely if it’s being squeezed with contempt.
About five years ago, someone close to me hurt my feelings badly. And even though many times I’ve read the verse below when Peter asks Jesus how many times we should forgive someone—and Jesus’s answer equates to 490 times— I’m still struggling with it to this day.
We’re so quick to point the finger. To declare we would never do such a thing or treat people in such a way. But if we take an honest glance at our past, not one of us has never hurt someone in some way. Maybe not physically, maybe not intentionally…but feelings get hurt…betrayals…the loss of a temper. Each one of us at some point in our life has had the need to be forgiven by somebody. We are human. It is going to happen. We cannot avoid it 100% no matter how faultless we aim to be.
I strive to be kind, but I know I’ve fallen short and I’ve been fortunate to experience the forgiveness of others in the past. I hope that grace has been extended to you with your mistakes, as well. And so, if a day comes when I expect forgiveness but don’t receive it, if I ask myself when that time comes, “Why won’t they forgive me?”…well, all I can do is look in the mirror and see a heart that is also battling to forgive.
Some injustices are horrifying, and some offenses are seemingly unforgivable. I often watch the news in disbelief at the atrocities of many conscienceless members of society. How could we possibly be called to forgive them?
In those moments, I try to remind myself that forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to be okay with what they did. It doesn’t mean they shouldn’t go unpunished. It doesn’t give the green light to stay in an environment that is physically dangerous or emotionally hurtful.
It’s just that, by forgiving, we are to let go of the anger and resentment we feel towards that person. In large part, it’s an act of freeing the bitterness inside of you so that it doesn’t sour your soul.
In the bible, Jesus himself forgave those who were crucifying Him on the cross (Luke 23:34). Those who were driving the nails into his palms and ankles, those who bloodied His head with a crown of thorns…those who left him on a cross to suffer and die. If He could forgive them, surely I can work on forgiving those whom I need to also forgive.
Not easy, but not impossible.
“Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” -Matthew 18:21
It’s okay to rest today. To put your feet up and wrap your hands around a warm, steaming mug of coffee while you watch the clouds drift by outside the window.
It’s okay to escape today. Cuddle up with a soft, fuzzy blanket and escape to another place and time inside of a good book or a long anticipated movie.
It’s okay to put something off today. Save an item (or two) on your list of things to do and add a thing (or two) like a slow, easy walk while taking in the brisk, life-giving air around you.
It’s okay to rejuvenate today. Listen to some music that you loved when you were a young thing, back when you danced like crazy in your room…back when Saturdays and Sundays stretched so far and wide you would memorize whole albums in a day.
It’s okay to sleep today. Take the opportunity of a non-work day to sleep in a little…or nap a little…or make some chamomile tea or go find that lavendar sachet that will help you snooze a little. You’ve worked hard. Your body and mind deserve some rest.
It’s okay to play today. Grab a board game, make a fort with the kids, bake some cookies, or do some last-minute shopping with friends. Do something you love. Something that will lift your heart.
Stop that work that you’re doing. Look all around you and really see what is there. Listen. Take a break. Breathe. You won’t get this day back ever again, so take a little time to do what you love.
How will you enjoy this day?
Me? A perfectionist? No way.
That was how I used to think. Until about a year ago, I’d never really investigated the word perfectionism. In my mind, that word was reserved for people who were already perfect and, well, I surely was not. Inside or out.
Yeah, I actually believed perfection was attainable.
Then, one day while browsing the aisles with my latte, I picked up a book at Barnes and Noble for the title alone. You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth. While most of the title words were black, the word “already” was printed in bold red, as if it were saying, “Yeah, that’s right, you see me correctly. I’m saying you, yes YOU, are ALREADY amazing. Dare me to prove it to you.” Intrigued and downright hopeful, I bought it, took it home, and snuck it into the bathroom where I escaped into the first few chapters during a long, warm bath.
I was being sneaky about it because it was embarrassing to THINK myself amazing, let alone showcase to anyone who saw the book cover that I might also agree that I was. I did not want to be labeled as conceited. Yikes!
Inside that book, I met “Ms. P” (a.k.a Perfectionism) in Chapter 3, and I saw myself in her description. All or nothing. Never good enough. Every failed attempt hammering yet another nail into the coffin of “Unworthy”, rather than seeing those failures as growth experiments which honorably coexist with “Worthy”. When I read this poem by Gerth, it finally dawned on me that I had been a perfectionist all along. Here, take a peek:
Why You Don’t Have to Be Perfect
by Holley Gerth
I know Perfectionism.
She calls my name and says,
“You will never be good enough.”
And sometimes I listen.
I cower in a corner.
Or I endlessly run.
But it’s always about fear.
Then these words stop me in my tracks,
grab me by the heart,
and invite grace to speak instead:
Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18)
I don’t have to be perfect.
I only need to be perfectly loved.
And I am.
So are you.
A reminder from 1 John—a truth—that we are loved by God. And that is what matters more than trying to do everything perfectly. In fact, that love sets us free.
Well, after that, for a good while I threw “You are amazing” around all over the place, like great splashes out of a giant fountain of love. Sticky notes on my mirror and in my car, posts on Facebook, on little chalkboards in my classroom, texts to family and friends…all little dashes of truth to everyone (and myself) who might need it. Reminding them that they are amazing just the way they are…and me, too. Because many of us get all caught up in what we think we ought to be or who we think others want us to be. Trying to please everybody from here to there and everywhere.
But forget that. We all fall short, and that’s just the way that it is. Of course, we still strive to do our best, but we must keep in our sights the reality that mistakes happen and it’s okay. We also can’t spend every hour making the perfect this and the perfect that. We must make room for balance. And we will go through seasons when we run low on patience, compassion, and friendliness. In light of that, I find myself humbled by the reminder that God extends grace, mercy, and forgiveness to those whom He loves…for I will need it all continually.
One of the areas of my life where perfectionism still seizes me greatly is in my writing. I want to write. I lovvvvvve to write. I want to either help or entertain others through writing (I don’t know which yet)…but I struggle. I have daily battles with thoughts of “no one will want to read that”, or “no way should you share that”, or “you’ll never be able to tackle an actual book, because you don’t know what you’re doing”. Perfectionism tells me “you don’t know enough” and “you’re not qualified to write that”.
Yacks! No wonder I haven’t returned to the book that’s on my heart. I’ve let that way of thinking rob me of more than six months of action. I put my book in a drawer after finishing the first draft and have. not. touched. it. since.
Recently, however, I was reminded to safeguard my good intentions by shaking off those threatening thoughts. I saw a shared post on the Higher Purpose Writers Facebook page of a quick little “perfectionism reality check” written by professor and author, Brené Brown. As I read it, I got to a part that literally stole my breath: “it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.” So true.
Something in me ignited and caused me to comment on that post. A realization was born. “Perfectionism,” I typed with certainty, “is the culprit that puts up the imaginary black and yellow caution tape around my writing desk, cordoning me off from my creativity…leaving me too often with regret. We can’t let perfectionism rob us of our joy, so we have to fight back by taking action. One of my second graders often tells the kids very matter-of-factly, ‘when you’re feeling nervous, just do it scared’. Oh, how I wish I’d had that wisdom at age 8.”
(Even now, I have doubts because I’m not sure writers typically quote themselves as I just did, but…whatever! LOL)
Then I offered this quote because it always sets me back on track:
“Ditch the self-defeating tunes in your head and upgrade to life-giving thoughts.” -Trish Blackwell
It’s time, isn’t it? To shake off those thoughts that imprison our dreams. To stop sabotaging ourselves with our unreasonable expectations. The ones that kidnap the joy and satisfaction of accomplishing great big things. Or even great small things.
So…go do your thing. That thing you’ve been putting off. Just take the step and get it done. Baby steps, giant leaps…anything that gets you closer to your dreams. Someone will want to read this. Yes way, should I share this. You and I may not know what we’re doing or know it all, but the world’s got resources out there—we can figure it out. We are qualified to speak what’s on our hearts because we have been enrolled in Life 101 this whole time. And remember, God is with you…He wants us to live abundantly so that we can, in turn, be a light for others.
You’ve got this. We’ve got this! Let’s do this.
P.S. Please remind me now and then. 🙂
It’s been a trying couple of weeks. A migraine. Back pain. Self doubt. Fear. I stand in the kitchen as I write this today, unable to sit. Still hurting as I stand. And I wonder about all the people out there who suffer from chronic pain. I marvel at how they continue on in dignified silence, likely suffering much more greatly than I am, when all I want to do is shout from the rooftops that I need some relief.
Jesus is in the boat.
A few weeks ago, while my friend Summer and I were having lunch, she mentioned a little something about the message she’d heard at church the weekend before. She said the pastor was talking about anxiety, and one of the things that stuck with her was his reminder to the congregation that, “Jesus is in the boat.”
Five little words that can offer so much comfort and relief. Five little words. I wonder if she even knows how greatly that swift conversation has impacted me. That small phrase has provided me with peace and strength during the peak moments of unrest in this tough season.
“Jesus is in the boat” is referencing an event in the bible, in the book of Matthew. In Matthew 8:23-27, it says:
“23 Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. 24 Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. 25 The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”
26 He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
27 The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”
I don’t know about you, but there certainly have been times when I felt like I might be drowning. Overwhelmed. Unsure. Anxious. Suffering. And many don’t just suffer with physical pain, but with mental illness or family or relationship struggles. Jesus did warn us that life is life and there will be trouble in it. But He did not leave us to battle it alone. (John 16:33)
Jesus is in the boat.
Recently, I repeated that simple, yet powerfully comforting sentence to myself as the inside of my head pulsed against my skull behind my right temple in the middle of a dark, sleepless night. With each heartbeat, I feared it might eventually burst as it intensified. Have you ever had a headache that robbed your very breath? It’s kind of terrifying.
Jesus is in the boat.
I said the soothing words again after work the other day as I tried to fold my body into my car, my spine unyielding, the muscles like concrete. And then again, minutes later, when I surrendered to the tears of frustration after finally shutting the car door. Will this ridiculously inconvenient back pain ever go away? Is it arthritis and I’ll have it forever?
Jesus is in the boat.
It floated around in my brain as I listened to the latest update of the fragile health of a dear family member…so many things unknown. If only I could make it better. If only I knew just what to do or say. If only, if only…
Jesus. Is. In. The. Boat.
There is something about that visual…the image of Jesus in this metaphorical boat (otherwise known as my life) which comforts me in a way that little else has. With a prayer, I know He is listening, but when I also imagine this boat scene it becomes more tangible somehow.
It’s a tender proximity, a nearness that wraps me up close. It’s like the time I went deep sea fishing with my step-dad and grandpa, even though I was secretly scared to venture out so far that land would inevitably disappear from my sight. But their presence, just having them with me, made it bearable, comforting, and even became an enjoyable memory.
When I think of Jesus in my boat, so to speak, I imagine He and I together in a small, sturdy boat…the tumultuous waves crashing around us. Cocooned among wide planks of fine-crafted wood below, and the cool air which sustains life blowing past us above. Close enough for tears to be wiped from my face…close enough to look into the eye of my Savior and see His kindness and strength.
I don’t like to complain. But I often hear myself complaining. I don’t like to worry. But I hear myself voicing questions of doubt. I don’t like to feel afraid. But the fact is, there are times when I am. And how can we not be? We are human after all. There will be times when our weaknesses are displayed and our imperfections magnified. That is okay! Yet, if we believe, we have the privilege to have a relationship with Jesus, who tells us that He is with us always. We are not alone. (John 14:15-31)
Remembering that Jesus is in the boat fills me with renewed resolve and determination, and at the very least it’s a reminder that He’s got this handled even when I feel I don’t. He’s not only in the boat, but He has the power to calm the storm that surrounds it. And the more I can remember that, the more I will cling to it so that my hope and faith and trust will grow.
Oh, and as I finish this up, there goes my 5-month-old puppy confiscating the egg shells that I put into the trash after cooking breakfast this morning. Slimy egg whites and little brown shards all over the kitchen floor. She’s running around like a wild thing while trying to ingest her favorite of all things: fluffy, white paper towel. *sigh* Silly girl.
My friends…Jesus is in the boat.
I’m winging it today. I’m just sitting here writing whatever comes to mind because I said I would show up, so here I am. I’m not prepared. I wish I had some brilliant wisdom to impart. Or at least something helpful. But it’s just me, coming off a wild week of too much to do and not enough time to do it all. And headaches…and 3 months of back pain.
At least that’s my excuse. 🙂
But I showed up today to this writing space because I’m trying work on keeping promises to myself. And I promised myself I would work on my writing, and show up to it. The first step is to sit down.
So…I’m just going to be real—–that’s all I have for now.
I’ll be working on this!
What are you hoping to show up to this week?