I’ve been thinking about overthinking. Over and over…because I’m an overthinker, too. Yes, we feel like concrete statues stuck in our thinking while the swarm of immediate action-takers buzz on by us. But the thing… More
This is a time when I am restricted from a lot of the things I feel my heart must do. The things I love or the things I hope to some day experience have to be put on hold due to social distancing and the recommendation to stay home as much as possible. In some ways, nothing’s changed in this regard too much…quarantine or not, my job would keep me away from my wanderlust anyway, at least until summer.
To keep my heart entertained, I’ve started a list things I feel I must do when the opportunity comes once again. This is not an exhausted list. As long as the quarantine lasts, I will come back and add to it. It’s a dreamy catalog of happiness sought and joy remembered…continued from all the heart-musts I hope to do—some never done before, some hopefully repeated. There really are no rules….just the things God has put on my heart to someday experience with wonder. I thank Him for that.
- Gaze at the stars from the summit of a mountain
- Attend an outdoor concert while sitting on the lawn
- Watch a sudden downpour of heavy rain from the inside of a car
- Share an evening with the fireflies
- Drive from the the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean
- Sing along at a dueling piano bar (I have a terrible voice, but what does it matter?)
- Drink a huge cafe mocha at Red House Cafe in Pacific Grove on a foggy coastal morning (in a real mug or whatever they call it)
- See the northern lights—will this ever happen?
- Return to the Isle of Skye
- Visit the New York Public Library
Will I really do these things? Or see some of these things again? I hope so. So far, the northern lights and fireflies have been elusive…I must be looking in all the wrong places. But in the meantime, it’s nice to dream.
What are some of your heart-musts?
When I envision a writer starting a new project, I imagine it is similar to a mountain climber who begins a climb. They stand in the valley at the base of a tall, granite mountain, steep and rugged. The summit is barely in view, thousands of feet above them, mingling with the clouds, but visible enough to fuel the climber’s hope. Their goal, that accomplishment, waits eagerly at the pinnacle, and is promised to those who can endure.
It is not easy for many to get there, for while there may be amazing experiences along the way and incredible, joyous views, they must undergo a jagged, arduous journey. It takes time and patience. It takes thought and planning. Some are beginners, some are advanced. Many are somewhere in between. Even the advanced climbers need some motivation to get to the top. The same goes with writers.
It is difficult for one person to reach for a goal alone. There are some who do well on their own, their internal motivation and drive is enough to get them to accomplish what many others give up on. There are those, however, who don’t altogether give up, but they take longer to reach the end of their climb. It’s not that they don’t want to. They just find themselves encountering obstacles along the way.
Such as the falling rocks of criticism. Trying to break through the suffocating snow avalanches of doubt. Navigating through deep, dark crevasses of insecurity. Then, for some, there are inevitable slips because of excuses. These can sometimes cause them to lose their footing completely, and they have to find a way to renew their hold on the rope and climb onward and upward once more. Climbers and writers alike must persevere through tough elements in order to finish the journey.
They both know that once they reach the top, it will be worth the struggle. The sweat and the tears, the need to dig deep and muster all of their strength will pay off because the view from the top is worth the suffering. All the conditioning, all the practice, all the preparation was meant to help you through it.
With some writers, though—with special writers—reaching their goal is not about fame or fortune or pride. The swell of happiness that comes when they’ve finished what they’ve set out to do stems from this: that through their completed work, they may just have provided a way for others to be helped or encouraged by what they wrote. Even in fiction, this is possible, for through characters in story we can relate or are influenced.
As much as a writer may have researched and prepared for their piece, as talented with words as they may be, there is one extremely important element that is needed by so many who are trying to get through their projects word by word, and that is encouragement.
Writers need continuous encouragement, just as mountain climbers must keep looking up so that they can see how close they are to reaching the top. Many writers have such a hard time seeing the finish line. It is essential to have that boost of cheer and the knowledge that someone believes in them. The reminder from someone who cares that God is also in their corner, rooting for them with every word put onto the page, is often times what it takes to help them get it done.
Because sometimes writers lose sight of that along the way. They start to look down from where they are hanging precariously on the side of the mountain, and are dizzied by the distance they’ve climbed so far…so the what ifs and worries begin to accumulate, and their handle on the rope threatens to weaken. They may start to feel as if they aren’t good enough. They may start to lose their courage in sharing their heart.
So if you know a writer, please continue to encourage them. If that’s your kind of thing. 🙂 And if you are a writer, keep going! You’ve got this.
Tonight, I will not write here.
There’ll be no posts for you.
Because an urgent matter has come up
That I must take the time to tend to.
There are twenty-three little people out there
That I used to see every week day,
But now, we meet in video conferencing—
Mostly “Mute” as they hear what I say.
We try to stay positive as best we can
With stars for improvement and smiles;
They use all their grit as they, too, work from home,
But it’s hard to learn across all the miles.
I’m noticing those smiles are drooping a bit—
They miss class, the playground, and friends;
It’s been over a month in Quarantineland…
And they wonder when all this will end.
So instead of writing to you tonight,
I’m taking a little blog rest
To pen them a letter for real “snail” mail,
And help put those worries to rest.
I’ll also include a good dose of cheer
For those sweet little 8-year-old minds—
A pep talk, I feel, is just what they need,
And inside will be kindness, they’ll find.
As their teacher, I hope you will please excuse
My absence for just this one night,
Because I won’t sleep a single wink
‘Til my heart gets that priority right.
At last, we’ve reached the final round of 30 things I learned during a recent 30-Day Writing Challenge. It was started over in the Facebook group, Higher Purpose Writers last month and led by Mick Silva. If you are a writer in need of encouragement, check it out. It’s a great place for thinkers, too. There’s also a Higher Purpose Writers blog, which I’ve found very useful since starting this writing journey. Thanks again, Mick. 🙂 This challenge was awesome.
My overall confidence in sharing these 30 things with all of you is like a wild roller coaster. I suspect it may feel like that for awhile. For example, I did not like writing Part II, but I felt it was important to be honest and try to give a reflection that covered all the bases. Overall, it has been fun to share with you these bits of insight that I had while forming a new habit.
Essentially, I don’t have a group of writers in my town that I’m a part of so it’s just me here typing away, and I imagine there are a lot of you writers who are also on your own…especially during the quarantine. So I thought it would be nice to share my writing thoughts in case you go through similar struggles and joys in writing.
I’ve saved my top ten favorites for my final ten, and I thank you for taking the time to stop by and take a look. 🙂
30 Things I Learned While Writing for 30 Days (continued)
#21) I’ve learned that ideas come to me at the most inconvenient times. Okay, I already knew that. 🙂 Doing dishes (hands are busy). On a walk (no paper). Driving (Danger, Robin!). In the shower (Can I get a whiteboard in there?). During a conversation with someone (don’t tell anyone I said that). Yikes!
#22) I’ve learned that music is necessary for setting the mood, and it is a source of inspiration when I am stuck. At least, it is for me. Oh, my imagination when I hear music. Of any kind. Once I press “Play” , I am in another world altogether. It evokes such feelings and ideas and scenarios. It could be encouraging, sad, angry, romantic, grumpy, strengthening….you name it. When I can’t think of a thing to write, like the walking, it’s the music that will stir in me ideas for writing. In my deep, dark mysterious heart the music is what liberates the dreary. It’s what nourishes my soul in the best of ways, so I can’t see at all how I would ever write without it.
#23) I’ve learned that nature also helps me tune in to my thoughts and imagination. Oh, I love this one, too. Few things are better, right? Dust meets dust. We are all connected. I love how being outside magnifies all of my senses, and I find myself wondering about why that noisy, wild animal chose that house to squall near every evening at dusk. Is it a peacock, is it a bobcat, is it a sick rooster? Then my mind wonders about the family who lives near by and what is their life like and do they like the noisy animal? Are they friends with it? Where did they come from? It’s super fun. Sometimes, just the simplicity of the breeze on the leaves of the trees brings back memories or daydreams.
Today when I walked, the essence of sun-warmed blossoms drifted under my nose, and I couldn’t rightly tell if it was jasmine or honeysuckle or a shy gardenia bush, but I was instantly taken back to college summer nights in the Central Valley. Later, a woodpecker gave a glorious show while drilling into the telephone pole. I stopped in my tracks and laughed out loud. I’m currently reading Charlotte’s Web to my class, so I suppose the animals make me think of stories more than ever these days.
#24) I’ve learned that I crave connection through my writing, and I consider my readers as my friends. The more frequently I’ve written, I’ve been noticing that I’m starting to write as if I am speaking to a friend. And the thing is, I really feel that I am. Several of my readers I know personally, and they are often on my mind when I write. Sometimes, I find myself writing something intended for just one person, yet it feels universal. When I am writing really super late at night, I imagine I am writing to that other soul out there across the continent who also can’t sleep because their mind is also troubled, like mine…or maybe other times they are bursting with joy, like me. It’s a neat thing, that. An invisible bond of fellowship.
#25) I’ve learned that my husband doesn’t feel neglected when I disappear to another room to write for long periods of time. Maybe I am lucky with this guy? How do I know he doesn’t feel neglected? I straight up asked him yesterday, and he straight up said no. Good to know! I also don’t have kids, so that is probably helpful for when it comes time to sit down and write. No distractions. My yellow Lab doesn’t like being neglected, though. That is for certain!
#26) I’ve learned that writing might be part of my legacy. I’ve always felt that since I will not have a generation after me, a book may be what I leave behind. I teach, I am a teacher, and I know many amazing teachers that students will remember forever. But me? Not so sure. My students are super young and…I don’t know. This is a tough one for me to talk about. Because of schedules, curriculum, and pressure to get things done in time, I seldom have time to really talk with my students. They know my heart, but I’m not sure they really know my story.
It dawned on me with the new distance learning this month that now we have even less time to talk. It’s inspired me to perhaps try my hand at my story. Or some kind of story that will remain long after I’m gone. When I leave this earth someday, my blog will eventually expire. Most people have stories they pass on to their children and grandchildren…maybe I have one that other people’s children and grandchildren would enjoy or find helpful once they’re grown up. That would be really…nice.
#27) I’ve learned that during the times when I don’t feel like writing, God will lead me through it. In the last 30 days, there have been times when I have stared at the blank white screen late into the night because I’m exhausted from learning all about distance learning or from trying to help families navigate paper packets and figure out video conferencing. Other times, I’m trying to not fall asleep as I think, “Well, Robin, what are you going to write about tonight?”. But the coolest thing happens: I pray, then I think and I pray a little more…and I remember God is rooting for me, and eventually it gets done. I’m so thankful for that.
#28) I’ve learned that when I quiet myself enough, God urges me to seek Him in my writing. Honestly, until this last month I never prayed before I sat down to write. But I’ve found myself doing so more and more. I think COVID-19 is what started that. I feel less worried now, but at the beginning of the crisis there came a time when I couldn’t even watch the news because it would put me in a tailspin of fret. All the people who were getting sick and dying was shocking and heartbreaking. So I began to pray before I wrote in order to quiet my mind and find stillness. I wanted God with me when I wrote because I knew that faith in Him and belief that He has got this covered—this pandemic—would win out over fear. He commands us not to be afraid. In the stillness, in the prayer, His presence is a warm comforting blanket of love even on the coldest most fearful night. That new practice of prayer before my fingers hit the keyboard is probably one of the most important things I’ve learned to do when it comes to my writing.
#29) I’ve learned that I want more than ever to please the Lord with what I write, rather than please people with what I write. Through all that I’ve learned while writing for the last 30 days, a truth was confirmed in my heart. I want to forget the blog stats. I know with everything in me that I will continue to write how Jesus loves us. I will continue to write about coming back to the heart of worship. I will never stop writing about how the Lord, and not myself, has carried me through storm after storm. Like when He carried me through the near decade of being gripped with anxiety. Like when He carried me through a childhood that was lonely and confusing and sometimes I felt forsaken, but time and time again He rescued me from the loneliness. Like when He carried me through the ache and misery of hoping for a child, but blessed me with a strong spirit to come out the other side of that, still without children, yet full of joy and spunk in spite of it. Like how He carries me now as I battle what other people think of my decisions and actions and words. I will not compromise writing about how He is with me…with us.
#30) I’ve learned that, as long as I am able, I want to keep writing. Good writer or bad writer, there’s something I’m supposed to do with it. I just don’t know what yet. It might just be this blog.. If that’s the Plan, that’s the plan. God knows where I’m going…and I’ll try my best to listen to His direction along the way. The 30 day challenge is over, but the writing doesn’t stop here. It’s only just begun.
Isn’t it amazing? All of these wonderful things learned from a new habit. I imagine each one of these as a strong piece of vibrantly colored glass, each one it’s own brilliant hue—a stained glass garden of emeralds, rubies, sapphires—and when you put them all together, they form a unique picture framed with inspiration which will be imprinted in my brain so that I will remember these things for years to come…a scene of hope and help and the makings of a writer’s heart.
Before you go, I have to tell you something. If you’re a writer, don’t give up. If it’s on your heart to keep writing, you keep at it. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how new you are, you just hang in there. And when you find yourself plugging along and good things start to come of it, celebrate! God gave you a gift and it’s okay to rejoice with Him that you have done this thing for Him. Jesus was the master storyteller. He wants you in His writing club if that’s what brings you joy. He wants you to tell your story if that’s what relieves your pain. He wants you to inform and inspire people if your expertise, the gift He’s given you, will help them through this life that is so unpredictable and often just plain hard. You can do this thing. Believe it.
Welcome back to the second part of this three part series on what I learned about writing (and myself as a writer) after taking part in a 30-Day Writing Challenge, which was encouraged over at the Higher Purpose Writers Facebook page. In Part I, I shared the first of 30 things I learned from my experience with this challenge.
This was a new accomplishment for me. Never before had I focused on my writing on a daily, consistent basis for such a long period of time. Cheers to that!
As a blogger, it would be hard not to learn some things through this experience that are related to my blog itself. Some of my list has to do with that, and the other part of my list has to do with what I’ve learned about people in this last month. What do they like to read? How have they encouraged me? How does the reader, like you, inspire me or challenge me?
But first, let’s start with diving in to more about…me. LOL Hope you don’t mind! 🙂
This is torture. Why did I do this?
30 Things I Learned While Writing for 30 Days (continued)
#11) I’ve learned that it’s about me, but it’s not about me. Since I’m not writing fiction and I don’t want to write about others without their permission, much of what I have to go on is my own life experience. This is torture for me. Who wants to show up each day and share painful or embarrassing parts of their lives? The hardest part for me in writing is having to share about myself. But my hope is that through my stories someone else may feel more accepted or understood or less alone, and little by little that hope in me is becoming greater than my fear. And anyway, it’s ultimately about the One who created us.
#12) I’ve learned that the more I write, the less I fear publishing my posts. I hold back. I constantly hem and haw over what I share. Should I share this? No, that is too deep…Um, I can’t talk about so and so…There is no way I’m sharing that. Even with the content I’ve put on this blog since the day it came to be, I worry about what gets put “out there”. And what I’ve put out there so far is just the tip of the iceberg. But the more I’ve been writing, and the more feedback I’m getting, the more I realize that there are people who relate to what I share. Blogging consistently keeps that knowledge alive and helps gain confidence, so I’ve been feeling a little braver each time.
#13) I’ve learned that I need help to become a better writer. I want feedback on my writing like a hummingbird wants a big fat mosquito covered in nectar. It’s not that I want someone to come along and tell me I’m doing a great job. Okay, that would be lovely, but let’s be real. I want constructive criticism. I want to learn. I want my words to be ripped up and tossed out and mixed up, and then I ache to learn how to put them all back together again in such a way that will truly touch my readers’ hearts. There’s something I want them to know and, if I don’t write well, I fear I’ll miss the mark completely. We’re never too old to learn!
#14) I’ve learned to stop looking at my blog stats as a measure of success and, instead, use them as feedback to gain more insight into the interests of my readers. For me, blog stats are like that awful cough syrup my mom forced me to take as a kid whenever I was sick. Remember those plastic tubular medicine spoons? Ugh. There are a lot of ways I can keep track of the traffic on the blog through the stats. Typically, I avoid it whenever possible, like I have for the last year. But in this last month I’ve been paying attention because I’ve been curious. What are readers out there looking for? Am I providing it? What I have discovered so far perplexes me: the posts I’ve written that I don’t like so much, the readers seem to like those the most. The ones I love, they don’t respond to. At all. I’m still puzzling that out, and I’m probably not going to like the answer.
#15) I’ve learned that right now people don’t want melancholia. They are searching for hope, joy, and honest tips on how to get through this COVID-19 crisis. Here’s an example: Fifteen days ago I wrote a post called Struggling, then a few days later I posted one called What Are You Missing?. The titles don’t sound all that cheerful, do they? I’ve been finding that I tend to write about something I’m having a hard time with, and by the end of my post I’ll reveal how I look for the triumph that comes from the struggle. A couple of days after those, I posted one that was nothing but happy. It was called Some Good Stuff. My blog views that day quadrupled. As soon as I started writing about the struggles again, the stats went so low they were less than what they started out to be. That was enlightening. Oh, and here’s the kicker—Some Good Stuff didn’t even have any of my writing. I was just super excited to share a new video series, Some Good News, to help cheer people up. 🙂
#16) I’ve learned that even though people are searching for “happy”, there are still times when readers crave comfort and encouragement. I think it’s important to recognize that life will bring us hard times, but we have the ability to seek beyond our troubles and face our burdens head on with courage. In the last month, one of the most popular posts was What Will Tomorrow Bring? In it, I wrote about what I was choosing to look forward to despite the world being in a very scary state. I still remember the night I wrote that. I had to dig very deep to think of what I could look forward to the next day. It’s my hope it encouraged people to do the same.
#17) I’ve learned that the more I mention Jesus, the lower the stats are. I can’t wrap my head around that. That’s the part that hurts the most for me. Jesus, well, He’s my friend. He saved my life. Sure, it’s a little painful when viewers reject me and my thoughts, but if they reject them because Jesus has been mentioned it’s a dagger through the heart. I’ve been told my writing is too preachy. I don’t really know how to fix that. I think the answer might be to tell more of a story instead of whatever it is I do now.
#18) I’ve learned that I have no desire to market myself. If I ever do finish a book and it comes time to do that kind of stuff, I think I need to hire a friend to do it. I am not comfortable with that at all. I cringe when it comes to sharing a new post on Facebook. I go through the strangest experience with that every time. So I’m getting braver at posting on the blog, but posting a blog post on Facebook is even worse for me. I put it on Facebook, then I’ll take it off a few minutes later! LOL Then I’ll pray for courage and then put it back on Facebook. Does anyone else go through this?? It’s awful. Can we just skip it?
#19) I’ve learned that my peeps haven’t given up on me. We all need cheerleaders, don’t we? I have this amazing small group of bible study friends who, when I first told them two years ago that I wanted to write a book, they nodded their heads eagerly and exclaimed with excitement. As if, like, I would actually do it. I told them this because I’d heard if you say something out loud to people, then you’re more likely to actually accomplish it. When I said it, I don’t know if they noticed, but my face was flushed and my voice shook and my knees were knocking. I didn’t actually believe I would do this thing. I’m still not sure I do. But those ladies, some of them actually read my blog! And I love them even more for it because it always seems like just when I think about taking it down, when I’m thinking to myself, What are you doing? No one cares about what you write! , all of a sudden a comment will pop up or a text or an email from one of my people—these awesome bible study friends—and they’ll tell me how much they enjoyed one of the posts. So then I think, Well, I can’t stop then can I…if it brings them joy? In writing almost daily over the last couple of weeks, many of them have contacted me with that sweet encouragement, and it has meant so much.
#20) I’ve learned that I want to do less blogging and write a story. How do I know this? It keeps coming back to me. There was a quote shared on the Higher Purpose Writers page during the challenge that my mind will not be freed of. After reading it, I kept thinking on it for days because, at the time, the words didn’t make sense to me. I kept thinking…what does that mean? On my walks, I’d wonder about it and the words would flash in my mind, without ceasing. Like that oil change light that comes on in your car when you keep thinking I don’t have time for this, so you put it off for as long as you can…but in the back of your mind you know that the motor will seize up, and you won’t be able to move forward until you deal with it. A story, write a story. But what story? All I know is that I’m all over the place with this blog, Encourage Your Heart. In writing more this last month, I find that I’m starting to long for a Beginning, Middle, and End.
Thank you for joining me again! Tomorrow I’ll have the last of my list of 30. I’ve left my favorites for the end. Hope to see you there!
Warning: This post is about writing (and so are the two posts that will follow this one). If that’s not for you, I understand. I guess this one’s for me. 😉 I wanted to document all the cool connections I’ve made this month in relation to the writing process. Okay, maybe it’s for you, too. You be the judge.
We were told to leave work. To go home and wait for directions on how we would teach from a distance. “Shelter in place,” they said. Everything turned upside down because of the arrival of COVID-19. However, not long after that crazy first week, I saw a post on the Higher Purpose Writers Facebook page that read, “There are 4 weeks until April 20. Every day, can we check in and write at least a little?”. It was just what I needed to shake me out of my shock. It gave me something to do when, at the time, everything seemed out of my control. It sounded like something fun.
Being able to check in nearly every day just to say, “I’m writing! Are you writing?” was so helpful, and honestly I would not have been so unusually committed without that continuity of encouragement. Many thanks to Mick Silva, who is the encourager extraordinaire behind the posts on the Higher Purpose Writers page. It is a thoughtful place, where one can find insight on the mind of a writer and be reminded of why we write.
Now here we are on Day 30! I can hardly believe it. I don’t want to forget this last month of writing, and I’m actually sad that the challenge has come to an end. It has been one of the few bright spots in a COVID-19-ruled world. It’s not like I will stop writing on Day 31, but I have enjoyed the check-ins, the countdowns, and the daily reflections shared which helped me know I wasn’t alone in the struggles and joys of writing.
Startlingly, I’ve written more in the last 30 days than I’ve written in the last two years. Even though there were days this last month when my writing made me feel like a lost kitten stranded on a remote island, overall I found a steady joy begin to grow inside of me like no other. Just as the reliable daily watering of a plant, along with necessary sunshine, will cause it to reach toward the sky as it flourishes due to routine care, I believe that I’ve grown in much the same way because of the frequency of the writing. Before, I just wrote when I felt like it. Now, I’ve been writing consistently. It has really made a big difference for me in such a relatively short time.
As each day passed, I slowly discovered an eager anticipation when arriving at the keyboard, even when I had no idea what I would produce that day. I found myself feeling satisfied instead of petrified when I accomplished either a blog post or a brainstorming session or—something I’d seldom ever done–an attempt to edit something I wrote. So the more I wrote, the more of that enthusiasm and fulfillment I experienced…even when what I wrote wasn’t that great.
So for the next three days, to commemorate Day 30 of the 30-Day Writing Challenge inspired by Higher Purpose Writers, I’m sharing 30 things I learned about writing during that time…and, more so, what I learned about myself in the process. Yes, 30. I know…it’s a lot. I’m breaking all the rules. This should be a series or something. Okay, actually, it will be. I’ll break it up into three parts for you.
Here we go:
30 Things I Learned While Writing for 30 Days (Part I)
#1) I’ve learned that I’m a night writer and that will probably never change, no matter how hard I try. Yep. For this lady, mornings are for slow wake-ups. The brain just isn’t ready for writing when the sun makes her daily debut. Unless it’s a Saturday and there is a cappuccino involved. In a real mug. With a chocolate croissant.
#2) I’ve learned that when I’m going through deep emotions, those are the days I am too numb to write. These past 30 days have been tough. I’ve experienced loss on many levels. Loss of my proximity to my students and colleagues, whom I enjoy. Loss of my ability to go wherever I choose. Loss of scheduled events I was so looking forward to. Loss of hearing my friends’ laughter as we gather in the same room. Add to that the increased technology, which is a blessing and a curse. Unfortunately, I happened to see something this week that I never ever thought I would see…because of evil people lurking the internet. I was wrecked by it. I couldn’t write for two days. I just couldn’t. When we have days like that, when our hearts are troubled more than we can bear…when we need some time to recover…it’s okay to step back from the writing and take a break.
#3) I’ve learned that I can separate work time from writing time. I write at night, so it doesn’t interfere with my work. I used to tell myself that I was too exhausted after work to write. That there was no way by the time dinner was done and darkness had come that I would ever have the stamina to switch my brain from work mode to writing mode. But I see now, that is an excuse. During the quarantine, I’ve been just as exhausted (if not more, because of the added emotional stress) and just as busy. The difference has been that, in writing each evening, I’ve been so desperate to get my mind off of the news and the worry and the heartbreak that writing has actually become my getaway from it all. Now that it’s been established as such, it’s something I believe I will continue to look forward to.
#4) I’ve learned that physical movement is a catalyst for inspiration. I cannot even begin to tell you what walking each day has done for me in regards to writing. It is the most amazing thing. Before a walk I will feel stuck and stagnant, my thoughts a three-day-old broken washing machine with water still in the drum. But once I get to walking, my mind starts to get moving, too, and my imagination kicks back into the spin cycle. It is the coolest phenomenon.
#5) I’ve learned that it’s okay if I don’t write every single day at the same time. I used to think that if I were to write every day, then I would have to write at the same time each day. If I didn’t do that, then forget it. It’s all over. I’m not sure where I got that in my head, but it stuck. Maybe it’s the perfectionism. I have also realized that it is likely impossible to write every single day without missing one or two days (or even three or four) here and there. Life happens, emotions happen. Missing days are just….going to happen! We need to give ourselves some grace and just get back to it ASAP. But the key IS getting back to it…ASAP!
#6) I’ve learned that when I walk away from my writing, it will still be there when I return to it. As you can guess from #5, I used to be all or nothing. I’d start writing a blog post and spend hours at a time on it. I would make myself finish and publish it in one sitting. Because I am a forgetful person, I would have a terrible fear that if I were to stop and go do something else or—heaven forbid, wait until the next day to continue—then I would lose all my momentum and flow and it just wouldn’t be the same the next time I returned to it. I’ve been playing around with that this month and to my relief that just hasn’t happened the way I thought it would. I think I’ve found that sometimes, because I’ve taken time to let my thoughts simmer, it’s actually a good thing to wait or stretch the process out.
#7) I’ve learned that I’m starting to be more open-minded when it comes to editing. Ugh, this part. I hate this part. I’ve been so stubborn, just wanting to leave sentences and paragraphs as they are. I think I’m just being a) lazy or b) overwhelmed because I start thinking, Just how much change are we talking about here? But since I am walking away more from it and giving things time, I find myself cutting sentences or rearranging words with more relish when I do revisit what I’ve left undone. Even in this post series, which I’ve been working on for a few days. Shocking, I know. You’d probably never guess I’d edited any of it. It’s as long as Les Miserables. Yet my printed pages bleed with my earnest little editing attempts.
#8) All that to say, I’ve learned that less is more. As writing becomes a part of my regular daily routine, I’ve been realizing a lot of things in regard to this such as 1) most people don’t have time to sift through a bunch of sentences that could be left out in order to get to the heart of the topic, 2) I sometimes go off on tangents and need to reign them in, and 3) I’m wanting to play with fewer words rather than long wordy sentences to see if that makes more of an impact.
#9) I’ve learned to start letting go of perfection when it comes to writing. Well, almost. The actual writing part and wanting the page to be perfect is something I definitely still struggle with. Perfectionism strikes in other areas of writing, too. For example, I was afraid to hire a writing coach in the past, thinking I wasn’t good enough or hadn’t written enough. Hello! The very definition of a coach is “to train or instruct”. In writing more consistently, I’ve realized that I don’t want to let perfectionism derail me from my writing goals.
#10) I’ve learned that I still have so much on my heart to share in the hopes of helping others find light out of darkness. I pray that I will become more equipped to do so. It’s such a risk to share your whole heart…especially the broken parts. I love my life. But no matter how “good” a person’s life may seem, we all have a little bit of broken in there, don’t we? Or a lot. It depends on who we are. Sharing that helps others. But we have to be brave. I want the best for everyone. I’m a fixer. I can’t help it. I just need to remember there is a Fixer who is better at that than I will ever be.
So that’s my first ten! Come back next time for the next ten…and then the next! The best is yet to come.
You know that saying, “Dance like no one is watching”? Literally, right now no one is watching. I know this because I pretty much danced the whole way home during The Walk Up the Hill today, and not a single quarantined soul saw me. I think.
But you know what? At this point, I really don’t care if they did.
I’ve been frustrated, stressed out, sad, and missing life as it was before the world turned upside down. I’m always trying to look on the bright side, but some days it’s just a hard battle no matter how sunny you are. Life gets that way.
One of the things that has helped these past few weeks are our walks. We head out when all is still, the crickets tuning up for their evening chorus…the light breeze chilly enough for long sleeves. I often watch my husband and try to figure out what’s on his mind as he treks a few hundred yards ahead of me.
I know he misses golf. He doesn’t talk about the loss of his stress-relieving pastime, but I can tell by the way he sometimes skips the sidewalk in the narrow park and marches through the cool, thick grass alongside it…as if pretending he’s once again heading down his Sunday fairway, toward the green. Our happy yellow dog trots right beside him. Nothing’s changed for the dog. Except she’s getting more walks now, so all is right in her world.
But nothing feels right in mine. Unless I take the time to really think on what I can be thankful for. Unless I have the pleasure of being stopped by a friendly neighbor on my way to the mailbox, and we have a longer than usual six-feet-apart chat in real life. Real life! No screens or miles between us. Unless I find myself tutoring a smiley student or two in a video conference while clutching my Christmas gift teacher mug that says “Best Teacher Ever” and is full of my homemade chai tea latte, which makes me feel like I am almost holding a Starbucks in my hand and almost in my classroom. Almost.
We say we are safe in our homes, we say we are doing our part to save lives, we say things could be worse–how dare we complain–but the reality is that our community is distanced, our activities are no longer scheduled, and that takes a very real toll on our emotions.
I am not a runner, but tonight I wanted to break into a full sprint. I didn’t want to hurt myself, so instead…I danced. I didn’t care if I looked like a fool. But no one was watching anyway. And it helped that is was nearly dark. The streets were silent, with no cars passing by on the newly paved road…the houses were all tucked away with their people, as if calling it an early night and heading to bed. The sun had barely settled in itself. Not even my husband who was ahead of me knew that I was groovin’.
The walking is good for us. The fresh air is an amazing feeling when you’ve been stuck to a computer screen for hours all day. And it is when I walk that I start to forget all of my struggles and all of my worries. It is when I begin to brainstorm creative ideas….it is when I begin to daydream of better days.
The walking is good, but the dancing is better. Dancing is like a gift to the stars, as they show up to their cozy, indigo theater seats one by one. Dancing is a better representation of your soul rather than simply plodding along with one foot in front of the other. When life feels grim, it’s the music that has the power to unlock your tension which begins the life-giving movement and fills your body with new energy and delight. It’s in the dance that we discover the freedom to feel.
My walk didn’t start out that way. I was as grumpy as a bear woken up out of an early hibernation when we first set out. But about halfway through (I’m sure there’s some science in this having to do with endorphins or something), a new song came on through my earbuds and I rebelliously decided to smile and bust a move right there on the sidewalk in front of an audience of none.
By the time I got home, my frown had disappeared and I felt a little closer to content than I had all day.
So I’m going to try to remember this dancing day. And I might just do more of it.
But don’t tell anyone.